Tonight, as I write this, I write from the heart. All thought is out the window. No voices in my head are able to overpower that of my soul.
One of the scariest things in life is losing sight of who you are. I’ve done it. We all have. Fear, jealousy, anger, and envy control the very essence of who we are. We live out of fear. Act out of jealousy. Say things out of anger. Resent out of envy. We become blinded by our own incapability to truly appreciate the essence of what or who stands right in front of us.
My entire life, I lived in fear of being alone. I have not only been abandoned by my father, but have abandoned myself in the courses that I have chosen throughout my life. At certain points of my life, I abandoned my good judgement. I abandoned my ability to decipher right from wrong, becoming enveloped in a clouded vision that blurred the lines that separated the two. I, as we all have to some degree, have allowed myself to act out of selfishness.
This same selfishness becoming the reason I was unable to see how great things were in those moments. Always wanting, ‘needing’, and asking for more - I had desires that did not stem from who I really am, but from who I thought I was supposed to be in accordance with what I learned, was taught, and picked up from society.
Society is the angel of death. Society is the root to all we know. By allowing ourselves to become consumed by a society that is always wanting more. More land, more wealth, more freedom. Why must we always want more? Our desire for more in life takes away our ability to see that what we have is enough.
Yes, some have less than you or I, while others have more. But this difference in lifestyle does not mean we are different in the essence of who we are as individuals.
You and I are not much different from each other.We’ve both experienced pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, anger. The list goes on.We have all experienced the same cycle of emotions to which we cling.We cling to them because we believe they are the very root of who we are as individuals.
In feeling these emotions, we say that we are learning and that things will get better at some unforeseen time in the future. But why must we fool ourselves into believing that the future holds the answers to who and what we are? Why must be believe that only life in the future is our salvation and the past is our hell?
We live in a delusion of time.
Now let me ask you this, when is the last time you sat down, looked around the room or area in which you are sitting, and thought ‘I am grateful for all that is around me.’ I know you have a computer and the internet to match. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this at this moment in time. Have you thought about what it means to have such luxuries?
Now, I am not saying be grateful for the material items you have around you. Not at all. Rather, I am encouraging you to be grateful for the life you are living at this moment.
Life is so precious. Life is so precious, but we seemingly forget that it can be taken away just as quickly as our eyes blink. We know not when our end will come, so why must we always put our faith in what will come to us? It is ok to have hopes, dreams, and goals for your future, but what good are they if they take away focus from what you can do now to work toward them?
This core value in appreciating life every moment that I am living is what I lost sight of.
In my selfishness, I pursued a career in fashion that I felt was the very essence of who I was.
Designer shoes, coat, suits - you name it, something within me felt compelled to ’need’ it. But why? What good did it bring into my life beyond the short-lived rush that I felt when purchasing. The answer to this is absolutely nothing.
Life isn’t about the instant gratification that we feel when we satiate our needs, wants and desires with things like sex, drugs, shopping, or any other short-lived action that only masks the problems that we truly have.
The problems that we have are with realizing that we don’t need these things to be happy. Self-esteem, confidence, and love for yourself do not come from any external force - it all comes from within.
Loving yourself and loving life are the most important and most valuable things that we can give ourselves in our lifetime. And the best thing about them? They are all free. They do not cost us anything other than the energy we put into our short-lived pursuits.
We are not defined by what we wear, where we work, what care we drive, or how much we make. These things don’t matter. Rather, we should be defining ourselves by how powerfully we can truly appreciate the present moment we are currently living.
I would be lying if I said to you that you will not feel sadness, pain, or heartbreak in your lifetime. However, the way in which we accept what is and move forward is what defines us. We cannot live in the past and we cannot look to the future as the reason to continue living. Now is the moment we should be living. Forgiving those who have hurt us and letting go of all resentment toward them. Resentment is the fuel that keeps our negative emotions alive. They prevent us from forming meaningful relationships, and they sometimes ruin the relationships we are in. Why would we want to do this to ourselves?
Letting go of all your negativity is the only real way we can truly be grateful and appreciative of what we have and who we are. In this, I ask you all to simply remind yourselves to love, cherish, and value every moment that you are living. Every second that passes is precious, and in order to truly live our lives with joy, we must realize that every moment is worth appreciating.
Live your life with an open heart and an open mind. Don’t push away great opportunities and people that may cross your path simply because you are fearful that they may not work out in the way you would hope. Don’t think about it. Just accept what is and move forward with the open mind and open heart that are necessary to really cherish what is right in front of you.
Living in the moment is all we can do and all we can control, and oftentimes we cannot control, we can only accept.
Accept what and who is in your life for what and who they truly are. And I promise that in doing this, you will feel no fear, pain, anger, resentment, or envy any longer. While your gratitude may be short-lived as you leave the confines of your room and delve back into a warped society, you can at least know that you were able to appreciate them for a moment. And that, in essence, is the most amazing gift you can give yourself - the ability to love life just the way it is is the most precious gift in the world.